


Out of the Woods

by Lexilindale35



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hostage Situations, Post-Episode AU: s01e13 We Are Grounders Part 2, Relationship(s), Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:26:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4090429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexilindale35/pseuds/Lexilindale35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy went out on a hunting trip and didn't return. Clarke blames herself for his disappearance. She walked away without saying goodbye, ending their fight with silence, only for him to get lost before they could fix their differences.</p>
<p>Octavia and Lincoln bring Bellamy back, he's bloody and beaten, but he's still alive. Clarke works to save him from the wounds, infection has already spread. She can't focus on anything, not when he's laying there unconscious, their problems aren't resolved. </p>
<p>Can Clarke save him before she loses the only person she can't see herself without?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When the sun came up

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure this plot has already been done a million times, but I really wanted to write a story in their universe with a hurt Bellamy. Then I had this idea of him being held captive and well this is what happened. 
> 
> Hopefully this is a good start and you all enjoy my version of the 100!!!

Clarke

When I wake up the silence surrounds me. When we first got to earth I used to love the silence. It was a commodity we never had in the ark. But now I hated it, because it was always broken with a scream. No matter where or when the silence found us, trouble followed. Something terrible was always ready to strike when there was silence. 

I looked at the medical bay, I had fallen asleep on the job again. Luckily no one had gotten hurt or sick in the past few days, so it was slow for me. Everyone was enjoying the warm spring that had found us. It chased the cold winter out of our bones. We were happier, excited for what lay ahead.

I bit down on my cheek, trying to fight off the exhaustion. Ever since the group left to go hunting I hadn't slept. Not because I was worried, although I was. This trip was different, especially since they didn’t have their fearless leader helping them. They were searching for food without him there to have their backs and it was all my fault. I couldn’t stop blaming myself. I couldn’t even fall asleep without that voice inside my head reminding me yet again how terrible of a leader I was.

Bellamy had been missing for two weeks now. Ever since Jasper wandered back into camp without him, disoriented and claiming the grounders took him, I had been keeping count. Two weeks without my second in command, two weeks without someone to help me handle the load of watching out for our people. It was a long time to spend without your best friend. It was a long time to carry the weight on your own shoulders.

Lincoln and Octavia have been searching for him. They left the day after Jasper came back without him, they haven’t been back since. I found it hard to focus, especially because they wouldn't let me come along. They said one leader needed to stay at camp, since Bellamy was missing I was the chosen leader. I fought them, but I didn't win. In the end raven convinced me to stay. They were right, our people needed someone to keep their hopes up.

I needed Bellamy to keep mine up.

Two weeks without any news or word from the two of them and I was starting to lose hope. I was starting to believe he was gone for good, before we really had a chance to figure things out between us. Before I had a chance to answer him. Instead I walked away like the coward I was. Just like I walked away eight months ago, too afraid to face our friends after the battle we had been forced to fight.

I wandered back here and found them all happy to see me, even if I wasn’t completely healed from the pain I carried, at least I knew my people still wanted me. They didn’t blame me, they still looked to me for answers. They same way I looked to Bellamy for my answers. Expect he wasn’t here now, I had to find my own answers. I had to find my own way.

I was starting to understand how he felt while I was gone. Lost, alone, the weight of our friends and family on his shoulders. I wanted to apologize to him, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for making him suffer those five months without me.

Lexa had him. I was sure of it, if the grounders took him, Lexa was behind it. She knew how important he was to me. She knew I cared for him more than the others. This was her revenge for the mountain. This was her answer to the broken alliance. She was taking away the person I cared about, the same way they took Costia away from her

I was so mad I could pull my hair out. If we hadn't been fighting he wouldn't have been distracted. He wouldn't have been going in the wrong direction. The peace treaty was clear, we were to stay on our side of the river and there would be no problems. Bellamy had surely crossed that line. Now he was paying the price.

He was paying my price.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying not to think about the last thing I had said to him. It was mean and hard, used to get him to stop asking me to make a decision. I thought I would see him again, I thought we had more time. I was a fool, no one on the ground had more time. I should know not to bite my tongue by now.

My head was pounding, not from Monty’s moonshine either. I hadn’t had a drink of that stuff since the incident happened. I called it the incident, Bellamy preferred the event. Either way it was an accident that sparked an even bigger distance between us. We weren’t exactly friends, but we were co-leaders. We depended on each other to lead, but that meant there couldn’t be more between us.

Then again the line I had created got blurry from time to time. Like the night I got hurt, Bellamy was the only one I thought I could go to for help. I wasn’t looking, I walked into a sharp end of the drop ship. It cut the skin, deep enough to hurt and need stitches, but it didn’t do any damage. I was the doctor, and yet he stitched me up pretty good without any trouble. He let me stay with him, he helped me with the work I needed to do. I didn’t even have to ask him, he was just there.

Maybe that was when things changed. 

No it had to have been the first night of spring, when the warm made us all giddy teenagers again. The moonshine flooded our cheeks, the fire huddled us together. It was as if there wasn’t any danger in the woods, like we were all out camping and having a hell of a time. We forgot about our problems, the worries we had been chasing ever since we landed. For once we were alive and we were happy.

We were also drunk.

The night I wandered back into camp, Bellamy had been so happy to see me he ran into my arms, the same way I did after coming home from the mountain the first time. That moment had been my favorite moment of them all, because he was here waiting for me. He was here hoping I would find my way back home. That image entered my mind, that was the moment I decided it all changed. 

We didn’t talk about it after I found my way back into the group. I found my spot beside him as his co-leader, and somehow we forgot about our happy reunion. That’s how we worked, we worked best with our emotions in check.

I closed my eyes, rubbing them hard enough to get the memory out of my head. It wasn’t like I hated the memory, I was just too tired to read into it. I didn’t want to ruin something that we had worked so hard to build. Which is what would happen if we actually talked about that night. Bellamy and I were both good at that, avoiding something that went too deep.

Apparently Bellamy was ready to get deep. I on the other hand, was not.

As tired as I was apart of me wished for someone to come in and take my mind off of Bellamy. I was tired of going in circles, wondering what I felt. I knew what I felt, I was too stubborn to tell anyone else what I felt. I took in a deep breath, running my fingers through my long curls. They were fuzzy, I needed a haircut.

The more I sat there, I realized I was glad we were slow, I knew I couldn't focus on anyone who needed me. I was a mess of exhaustion and hunger and frustration. I needed to make my way back to my tent and get some real sleep. I knew if Bellamy was here he'd be on me about the fact that I hadn't eaten in twenty four hours. He always got on me for that.

I stood up, deciding to cut my time short. I grabbed my jacket and closed the door behind me. I put a sign up saying the next person would be in soon. I was too tired to care, I stumbled towards my tent. Just as I pulled the flap back I heard my name.

"Clarke!" I turned to find Miller coming towards me. He was running ahead of the rest. He ran through the gate and grabbed my arm, "Clarke we thought you'd be in the medical bay. We need your help.”

In the setting sun my mind wouldn’t focus, I was hungry and tired. I was ready to collapse as he stood there waiting for me to answer him. I looked at him confused, wondering why he was back already. He was with the hunting party. He wasn't supposed to be back yet was he? They had left about four days ago. Maybe I was wrong. It usually took them a week to bring home food. 

"What?" I couldn't form a sentence as I watched the rest of the group come into view. I wanted to ask why they needed me, but the words didn’t come out. I watched the four of them make their way towards the gates. I strained my eyes, and that’s when I saw Lincoln carrying something and I stopped, realizing it wasn’t something, he was carrying someone.

Miller was staring at me, "Clarke it's Bellamy. We found him, but he needs your help.”

The air left my lungs as the gate closed and they brought him in. He looked bad, really bad. There were bruises across his face, blending in with his freckles. His eye was swollen, the other one looked to be healing. There was a gash across his forehead, blood was running down his cheek. He moaned as Lincoln carried him like a sack of potatoes. All the anger I had felt towards him when he left was gone. 

I had to save him. After two weeks I knew what it was like to run things without him. I didn't want to do this without him anymore.

I followed them back towards the medical bay, all thoughts of sleep and exhaustion leaving me. I was running on pure adrenaline at this point. My heart was pounding in my chest as I watched Bellamy's shallow breaths go in and out. This wasn't how I imagined him coming home. I thought of the strong boy who always saved us, the one who knew where to step and how to keep safe.

This boy was broken and abused. He was hanging onto life by a thread.

"What the hell happened?" I asked as they put his long form on the table.

Lincoln had been carrying him, “grounder’s had him. It looks like they enjoyed it too,” he grunted as I put my hand on his face and then Lincoln pulled his shirt away, “they baited him or got him when he wasn’t paying attention. That’s the mark of a very old trap.”

I pushed down the top of his pants. The fabric had been rubbing against his wound, it was red and angry. I pushed his shirt back, the telltale signs of infection already there, "when did you find him?”

"Two days ago," Octavia answered, “Lexa was the one who had him. It took us a day to get him out of her clutches, another day to walk back here. She told us he walked right into their trap, he was distracted and he had to pay. She didn’t have a reason for torturing him, but she seemed to enjoy it.”

Her words were hard and I knew she was staring at me. I had a feeling Octavia knew what her brother was distracted by. I ignored her stare and reached for the knife. They were all watching as I cut his shirt off. It wasn't smart, we all had a few pieces of clothing to keep us warm in the winter that lay ahead, but he was soaked in blood. I didn't have any other choice. 

"It's infected," I tried to stay calm, but my heart was hammering inside my chest. This was Bellamy, he was always careful, always in tune with the woods. He never got distracted, he never got kidnapped.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, I knew exactly what he had been thinking about. Again that little voice screamed at me that this was my fault. The last two weeks of torture and pain for both of us, was on my shoulders.

I looked at the party that had gathered. I couldn’t focus with all their eyes waiting to see if I saved our friend. The friend who always took care of us.  I shook my head, "I need space. Octavia and Lincoln can stay. Everyone else go. I'll find you when I'm done.”

Everyone left as I pressed my hand against his forehead, "he has a fever. I need to focus on the infection first. The wound needs cleaned before I even try and stop the bleeding.”

Lincoln grabbed the herbs I needed and handed them to me. He was as good with this as I was, he was focused, he wasn’t letting his emotions get in the way. I on the other hand was doing everything I could do to keep myself from falling apart. This was Bellamy, I wasn’t sure I could save him. He had always been the one who did the saving, now I had to make sure he survived this.

Bellamy gasped as I pushed against his hip, the cut ran along his stomach down towards his thigh. I winced as he coughed, groaning even in his unconscious state. He winced, his hands shaking as he tried to fight me off before he passed out again. I knew that was the reaction to torture, he still thought he was with the grounders.

I put my hand against his forehead, his teeth started to chatter, “I need something for the infection, Lincoln. Hand me that jar.”

He did as he was told and I put the pulpous over his wound. He stopped moving, his mouth fell open. His head turned towards me, and I felt my heart break. This shouldn’t be so hard, I should be able to concentrate. I needed Bellamy the same way he needed me. I knew why this was so hard. I was terrified of losing him for more than one reason.

I didn’t want to lead without him. If I kept saying that to myself, maybe I would believe that was the only reason the thought of losing him scared me half to death.

Octavia was muttering under her breath, watching me as I walked around the table. Her brown eyes were so much like her brother’s I could feel them wearing a hole in me. She was angry at me, she was angry that he had been distracted by our fight. I knew her as well as her brother did. She was going to blame this on me until he woke up.

I couldn't concentrate, because I knew she was muttering about me, "look you can either help or get out. I don't need your comments distracting me too.”

She stopped, Lincoln watching the two of us. We had been getting along better lately, but our relationship was still strained, mostly because she was the one pushing me and her brother together. I didn't wait for her answer, I focused on Bellamy.

His skin was pale, it was also burning up. His eyes were moving and I knew he was in pain. He groaned as I touched the tender wound on his hip. I pulled my hand back, taking the moonshine from Lincoln. His face was a pattern of bruises, I needed to tend to the cuts on his forehead. They would have to wait, the one on his hip was the worst one.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, knowing this would hurt him more than it would hurt me. I pour it on the cloth slowly, pressing it down hard against the infection. He groaned again, his body jerking away from my touch. My heart hurt as he tried to push me away, but I continued to clean the wound. His arms thrashed out, Lincoln held him down as I put more moonshine on the infection. I had to clean the wound, this was the best I could do.

I looked at the grounder, “thank you,” I said quietly. 

Watching Bellamy in pain wasn’t easy. Having Lincoln hold him down made it a little easier. I took in a deep breath, waiting for him to wake up and curse at me for doing this to him. I knew he wasn’t waking up soon, his body was shutting done from pain and exhaustion. The same way mine was fighting to stay awake and save him.

I stopped short of the table, something in the wound glistened. I laid my hand against his hip, gasping, “there’s still a piece of metal in his skin.”

Lincoln looked where I was pointing, “that’s why it’s infected. That thing is rusty and old. We need to pull it out,” his jaw tensed, “they left it in there for two weeks. They wanted him to die a slow and painful death, infection spreads slowly until it hits the heart.”

I nodded, “well we are going to let that happen. We need to be really careful. You hold him down. I’ll get something to put in his mouth. It’s going to be painful, I don’t know if I can do it if he starts screaming.”

Lincoln’s big eyes were staring at me and he gave me a nod. He didn’t show much emotion, only smiled for Octavia, but his eyes told me everything I needed to hear, “you can do it,” his voice was low and even, “he’s counting on you Clarke. He always counts on you.”

I nodded slowly, pouring moonshine over my hands to sterilize them. Before I thought twice about it, I took a swig of the stuff to calm my nerves. Not that it would help, they were prettying much fried at this point. Still my hands weren’t shaking as I got ready for the surgery.

I took in a deep breath and reached towards the metal. It was in there pretty good, which is why it hadn’t fallen out while Lincoln carried him. I hated the grounders even more as I thought about him abused and tortured, with a piece of metal sticking out of his body. I sucked in a breath, watching as Bellamy thrashed against Lincoln’s strong hold.

“Be still Bell, I know it hurts but it’ll be over soon,” I grabbed the metal with both hands, pulling as hard as I could as he yelled out loud. I bit my lip, tasting blood as I kept pulling. It was a long piece, tucked inside the meat of Bellamy’s skin. I pulled and then finally it broke free as he sobbed.

I threw it down on the ground, pressing a rag to his sweaty forehead, “I’m sorry,” I whispered on the verge of tears as I watched a few roll down his cheeks. Bellamy never cried, it was rare to see him do anything but smirk and hurl insults, “I’m only trying to help you.”

Octavia snorted, “yeah well we all know this is your fault princess.”

I looked up at her, my fingers on his forehead, “Octavia please. Not now. I’m helping your brother, stop being a brat.”

She raised her eyebrow as Lincoln nodded his head, “just let her help Bellamy, Octavia.”

I sat down on the stool I had been in before they all arrived back at the camp. I took in a deep breath, watching his chest rise and fall. The steady rhythm made me feel better, it gave me hope that the fever would break soon. I laid a bandage over the wound, but I didn’t seal it up. It needed to breath out the infection.

I felt like I was going to be sick, but I pushed it back down. I had to be strong for him, I had to focus. If I didn’t he would die, I would never forgive myself if that happened.

Lincoln went to take off his gear as I laced my fingers through his. I took in a breath, wondering how long it had been since this man had a haircut. I smiled thinking about how much he looked like a puppy dog with his shaggy hair. I shook my head wondering why I had ever been so stubborn. 

Two weeks and I couldn’t even feel happy that he was back home with us. Because he was laying on the table, barely there with us. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly, tell him how much I had missed him. I wanted to apologize and tell him everything I never got to stay. Then I wanted to smack him and tell him how much of a fool he was for getting taken by the grounders.

I leaned against the table, Octavia sitting down across from me.

"Now what?" Octavia asked just as the quiet became too much for me.

I pushed his curls out of his face, the exhaustion hitting me once again, "now we wait."


	2. You were looking at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy's unconscious, but he still can feel what's going on around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was hard to write, but I think I like what came out. I'm switching POV for a reason. I hope you guys don't mind, although it might make the story longer.
> 
> Enjoy!

Bellamy

My body was fighting. I had been tortured, hit, beaten, abused for at least a few weeks now. I had lost count of the days when I blacked out after Lexa nailed me in the head with the hilt of her sword. My hands were chained together, but I wasn’t going anywhere. Between the beatings I could barley stand up and think straight, let alone form a plan to escape. But the torture was nothing, the bruises would fade, the blood would dry. The real pain lay in being held captive, away from my people.

They never told me what they wanted. They never asked me for information. They just wanted to start a war. A war I was hoping Clarke wouldn't engage in. Then again I wasn't even sure she knew I was missing, since she had been hell bent on avoiding me. She walked away, she closed the door I had been trying to open for the longest time.

There was a terrible pain that ripped through my hip whenever I moved. I cried out, feeling the blood as I touched it gently. My eyes would barely open up to a slit, I couldn’t see anything. There was blood matted in my hair, pressed against my forehead. I was pretty sure I had a fever, my body was shaking but I was hot as could be. I coughed, blood trickled down my chin.

That couldn’t be a good sign. I needed to find a way out of here, but I had no idea where here was.

Lexa was pure evil, I had been suspicious of her even when she swore we had an alliance. Clarke trusted her too easily, Clarke let her use her. I shouldn’t have gone to the mountain, Clarke was a leader who used her heart and her brain. Lexa convinced her that was weak and somehow that crippled our brave princess. Lexa was the reason I had lost my partner for five months, Lexa was to blame for the pain Clarke still carried.

If my hands weren’t bound I would’ve fought her. Ever since the war with the mountain men was over all I could think about was making Lexa pay for abandoning my people, for hurting Clarke. I didn’t even see the trap, I didn’t even realize I crossed the line until that smug smile was standing there staring at me, as the claw clenched my skin.

She took pleasure in my pain. She knew Clarke cared about me more than she cared about her. Clarke would come after me, she let Lexa walk away after her betrayal.

I didn’t give her the satisfaction of hearing me scream while she tortured me.

The time between the abuse usually wasn’t long, but this time they hadn’t come back. The sun wasn’t shining through my window anymore, I had no idea what time it was. All I could seem to focus on was the pain. My body was on fire, my lungs were burning in my chest. I felt someone grab me, hoist me up on to their shoulder. I didn't know what day it was, I didn't know what was happening. Maybe the grounders had decided it was time to cut their loss. Maybe Clarke really wouldn't start a war over me. 

Maybe they would end my suffering and use me as an example for the rest of the camp.

My heart broke as I imagined Clarke seeing my beaten and tortured body. I wish I had told her goodbye before I went hunting. I wish I had been more of a man and told her exactly what I wanted to say, but had always been too afraid. She had walked away once, she had left me alone at camp for months. I knew what it was like without her, I was afraid by opening up to her, I would scare her away for good.

I didn’t want to go through that kind of pain again.

I heard voices, murmurs of people I recognized. They were speaking grounder, I couldn't make out the words, my head was pounding. My eyes were swollen shut, the bruises a few days old. I winced as my stomach bagged against the body carrying me. There was a cut I suffered from their trap. That's how they got me. I walked right into their trap, the metal jaw clasping around my hip.

They didn't bandage the wound. I knew infection when I saw it. They were going to let me die a slow and painful death. Then they would string me up on the gate walls so everyone at camp knows what happens when you cross the line. Our alliance was broken the day Lexa saved her people and ran. She wanted them to know she was back, she wasn’t scared of us. I was exactly what she needed to get her point across.

I wish I would've apologized, I wish I would've known our time was fleeting. Maybe then I wouldn't have played so hard to get. I wouldn't have regrets, like the fact that I let her go before I got a chance to tell her the truth.

I was aware of the walking, my body hit whoever was carrying me with every step they took. I heard a girl’s voice, I thought I was imagining Octavia. Someone would hold my hand, tell me to hold on we were almost home. I wanted it to be Clarke, but I knew she wouldn’t come after me, not after our fight. She was stubborn that way, so was I.

If it was Octavia I knew it was Lincoln who was carrying me. No one else would be able to support my weight the way he was. I could only wish I would pass out again, the pain of being carried was hell on my wounds. I groaned, my eyes still closed against the world around me. I could still hear everything that was happening.

I passed out when they yelled to open the gates.

It didn’t take long for me to wake up again though. For a moment I didn't know where I was, but I was pretty sure the bottom half of my body was still on fire. I felt pressure against my hip, my mind screaming from pain. I felt the scream building, but it didn't pass through my lips. Instead I groaned, bucking against the arms holding me. Restraining me for the abuse they had been putting me through for the last few weeks.

My mind was foggy, I thought I was still being held by the grounders.

I saw her face, clear as day I could see Clarke through the pain. Her big blue eyes staring at me, her gentle hands pressing against mine. I called for her, again her name didn't leave my lips. I wanted to scream her name, I wanted to ask her to take away the pain the way she had so many times before. I wanted to cry out how happy I was to see her, to tell her I was stupid for getting taken.

The words wouldn’t leave my throat, my eyes weren’t really open. I was imaging things, I was going crazy. The burning continued. I don't know how long it had been going on, but it was making me crazy.

My mind was a mess of pain and anger. I remember Jasper screaming at me. Something about a trap, everyone yelling out for me to pay attention. But I couldn't pay attention, because Clarke had run away before she gave me an answer. 

I already knew what her answer was.

That felt like a lifetime ago. How many made it back to camp without me? Did Clarke send them back out to search for me or to get more food? Was she running things on her own the way I did when she left us? I had so many questions, and yet the burning distracted me from finding the answers. I couldn’t find my way back into the world that was turning around me. I felt like I was trapped inside my own body.

My eyes wouldn't open no matter how hard I tried, but I heard the commotion. I heard Clarke barking orders, Octavia blaming her. Lincoln held me down again as she tortured me. I cursed this time. There was something sharp sticking in my hip, it felt like a needle. My legs jerked without my control, my hands were in fists. I was fighting off whatever was happening to me. I screamed, the noise pulled from deep inside. Then I sobbed, the pain was worse than anything I had ever felt before.

Even the hands of Lexa felt like tickling compared to this.

“Be still Bell, it’ll be over soon,” her voice was hard and clipped, like it always was when she was treating a patient. Still I could hear the softness at the edges, this was hard for her. She cared about me, the way I cared about her.

I knew she was going to give me hell when this was all over.

After a lifetime of pain that was worse than the torture I had gone through, the noise died down. The silence settled around me, I had been sitting in silence for the past few weeks. Still this silence was different. There was no waiting for the captures to return. I was safe, back at camp with my people. They were trying to help me, the silence was comforting. Clarke had kicked everyone out of the room. My heartbeat slowed down, the fire still burned, but it wasn’t as hot. I wasn’t shaking anymore.

Her cold hand pressed against my forehead and it felt like heaven. My entire body was on fire, I couldn't breathe from the fever. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing. She was watching me, checking my temperature multiple times. Lincoln probably took Octavia back to their tent. She had more than likely fallen asleep by now. We were alone, she ran her fingers up and down my arm.

She only did that for the kids, when they were scared. If I had control over my limbs I would've smiled at that gesture. She wanted to pretend like she was afraid of me, when really she was afraid of herself. I knew deep own what she felt was exactly the same as what I felt. I wanted to reach out and grab her hand. I wanted to tell her how much I had missed her these past few days. I wanted her to know how hard it had been for me to be away from her.

The fire was getting brighter, I could feel myself starting to slip under.

I was done dancing around the flames. I was done wondering if today would be our last day together. I knew what I wanted, I was doing everything I could to hold onto it.

"If this is your idea of making me choose, it's not funny Bellamy," her voice was hard. I could hear her holding back tears, "it's not fair. You can't die on me, not when we left things the way we did. Not like this, I won't let you.”

I wasn't making her choose. I wanted her to be honest with herself. I felt a tear fall onto my cheek, "I'm just as stubborn as you are, Blake. I won't let you die on me. Not by the hands of Lexa," she stopped, her fingers drawing circles on my shoulder, "please just be okay. I need you Bell, I need you more than I thought I would."

She sounded broken, defeated. She sounded the way I felt when she walked away from the gates before ever stepping back into them after the long war with the mountain. I knew what she was feeling, I knew the kind of pain that was in her heart. I wouldn't die on her, not when we both needed the other to survive this life here on the ground.

I felt her hand squeeze mine before the fire took over. My leg was burning, my body was shutting down. I wanted to hold onto this moment, to look at Clarke and tell her I was okay. I wanted to open my eyes and tell her I missed her, hear her say my name once more. But I couldn't move, I couldn't wake up. The fever was taking over. I took in a deep breath of air and then I passed out again.


	3. In the clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up still holding Bellamy's hand, exhaustion the least of her problems.

Clarke

 

I fell asleep holding his hand, my head on his chest. There were tears glistening off his skin. I guess I really had been upset by the accident. I was happy he was finally home, but I was threading through the fear of losing him. I sighed, sitting up and rubbing my eyes with my free hand. It took me a minute to adjust to the light, to look at his skin and see it wasn’t as pale as it was last night. He didn't look any better, but the fever was getting lower. He wasn't sweating as much, then again he wasn't moving as much.

I stood up and walked towards the other table, soaking a rag in cool water I kept in a bucket. I sat back down beside him, pressing it against his forehead. His lip twitched involuntarily as I pressed it harder against his clammy skin. I couldn't help but smile. No matter what Bellamy's lip always twitched when he was making a big decision. I was the only one who noticed, but it always made me smile.

His lip also twitched whenever he was focused on me. Two weeks ago when I had gotten cornered by Murphy, he had been focused on me. His hands were balled up into fists beside him, his lip curling as he tried to figure out a way to help me. He seemed to be more aware of my surroundings, my clumsiness, than I was. Every single time I got myself into a bind, Bellamy was there to try and help me get out of it. He knew I was capable of saving myself, but he wouldn’t stand back and watch.

I told myself to focus, I had to stop getting caught up in the little moments. I was so busy analyzing every decision we made together, every moment we spent together, that I wasn’t focusing on Bellamy and his injuries. Then again this was his fault, his voice was the one in my ear, telling me to make a decision. I couldn’t stop seeing the hurt in his big brown eyes when I walked away without giving him an answer.

“Bellamy Blake you’re the biggest pain in my ass,” I rang out the water and then did it all over again, “you had to go and get yourself tortured. You had to make this all about you.”

I laughed, shaking my head as I looked at his face. I ran the rag over the cuts that were there, the dried blood flaking away. They were old, these cuts weren’t bleeding, they were healing. His left eye was black and blue, his right one was still swollen. I couldn't help but wonder why he let them do this to him.

I knew Lexa was the one who inflicted the pain. I wanted to find her and take back the apology I gave her all those months ago. I wanted her to know that this was a game I wasn’t willing to play. I wouldn’t risk the life of my people, my Bellamy, for a sick and twisted life she wanted to lead.

I just called him my Bellamy. I winced as I pulled the rag away, his tanned face found underneath the pain. I ran my finger along his freckles, taking in a deep breath. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, testing it out. I smiled, biting my lip as I watched him breath slowly, his eyes still closed.

I squeezed his hand, praying that he would open his eyes soon.

“Clarke,” his eyes were closed, but his voice was there. I heard it, clear as day he said my name. He moved his hand, wincing as I touched his forehead once again. He sobbed, calling out my name once more before he stopped moving.

“I’m here, Bell. I’m here,” I whispered, pressing the back of his hand against my forehead. I couldn't help but wish I had something more to tai away his pain. If only we had actual medicine, something that would knock him out to the fire that was burning within his body. I was doing the best I could, I could only hope he understood that.

I sighed as I checked his wound. It was still red and angry, but the herbs were doing their job. The infection hadn't spread any further, hopefully it would be gone all together soon. I had been lucky, no Bellamy had gotten lucky. It wouldn't spread to his heart. He would pull through this. I sighed with relief as the bay door opened and Raven walked in.

"How's Mr. Princess doing?" she asked nodding to my patient. 

I glared at her, ignoring her choice of words, "better. I think he might just be stronger than we all knew.”

Raven picked up the rag and started to play with it. She seemed to need something to distract her hands as she looked down at Bellamy and then back up at me. Her eyes were everywhere, like she was trying to decide whether or not to tell me something. Finally she sighed, watching as I cleaned around his wound yet again. I was careful not to go any lower than his hip.

I looked up and she was staring at me, "did you sleep here?”

I nodded shyly, "I needed to clean his wound, I needed to make sure he was okay.”

"Clarke you could've done that in the morning after you slept in your own tent," she watched as I bit my lip, trying as hard as I could not to cry, "Clarke, are you okay? We’re all worried about you.”

I looked up at this girl who I thought I hated, and yet she had become one of my best friends. Was I okay? I had no idea how I felt, or what I was doing. For the last two weeks all I could focus on was finding out where Bellamy was and how to get him back here. I didn’t think about myself, I didn’t sleep. I barely had time to sit down and have a meal. Now she was standing here asking me if I was okay.

I honestly had no idea how to answer that question.

I was numb to taking care of myself at this point, I put everyone else before myself. Without Bellamy I had taken on the workload for two, and the stress of finding him. There was no space inside my head for taking care of Clarke. But now that he was here laying on the table, I realized I could relax. Raven asked me if I was okay. I realized I wasn’t. I was far from okay because the boy I might possibly care for was laying on the table in front of me, barely hanging onto life.

His life was quiet literally in my hands, and I had no idea if I was doing this right. I was terrified of losing him as a leader. I looked at Raven and realized that I couldn’t bare the thought of losing him as my friend either. 

Which is why his declaration had scared me more than it should’ve. He was my friend first, our leader second. I needed his support in more ways than one.

I took in a breath, Raven was waiting for an answer.

Finally I shook my head, falling into her arms as she stepped towards me. She hugged me tightly as the tears fell. I couldn't hold it together anymore, this was too much, "it's my fault. My hands are already so dirty, but this is my fault. Bellamy got hurt because of me. I don’t think I can handle having his blood on my hands too.”

Raven ran her hand up and down my back, "no that's not true Clarke. It was an accident, the grounders took him. Trust me this isn't on you, this is one them. No one blames you,” I never understood how she could be my friend after what happened, “you said he’s strong, he’ll get through this Clarke. That’s why they brought him to you.”

I wiped away a tear, "we fought before they left."

She laughed, "you two aways fight," she whispered as I pushed my ratty hair off my shoulder.

"This was different. It wasn't a fight, it was a battle. I'm scared when he wakes up he won't be happy to see me," my heart felt a little lighter looking at Raven and seeing a friend. I needed someone to be strong for me, I had been strong for far too long now.

Even before Bellamy had gotten hurt, I had been strong for my friends. They needed a leader so I stepped up. Now I didn't know who I was without the person who I leaned on most. The boy I hated more than anything had turned into the one I couldn't imagine doing this without. 

If he hadn't come down with us, we'd all probably be dead.

"Clarke breathe," Raven patted my shoulder, "you need sleep, real sleep. When's the last time you ate? I can see it, you've been holed up here even before they found him.”

I sighed, "someone has to take care of everyone.”

"Which means you need to take care of yourself first. Go wash up, get some sleep. Eat something," she said the last demand a little more forcefully, "I will watch over Bell, and if he needs you I'll come find you. First take care of Clarke. The rest can wait.”

I knew she was right, I had been exhausted before I even cleaned his wound. Thinking about my tent was all I could do now. Still I bit my lip and looked at him laying there. Now that I realized why I was so scared to think about our fight, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even if we hated each other in the beginning, he was important to me and the rest of the camp now. 

Raven squeezed my hand and I let out a breath. I looked at her, trying to sort through my head. I knew she was right, I wouldn’t be any help to Bellamy or anyone else who needed me if I was dead on my feet. I had been dead on them before he got here. I yawned, Raven hitting me with her hand, “go sleep Clarke. I’ve got this I promise.”

I nodded my head, standing up as Raven took my seat beside his bed, "you promise you'll come get me? Even if he just wakes up?”

She nodded her head, "yes I promise. Now go. Octavia saved you some of the deer they found. It's pretty good too.”

My stomach growled as I walked out of the medical bay and into the bright sunlight. I felt like a zombie, my skin probably looked paler than normal. I had lost weight even before this week, but my shirt hung looser around my hips. I probably looked as bad as I felt. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, walking towards my tent. I wanted to wash the blood off my hands. I wanted to get on a new shirt. 

But the moment I walked into my tent I kicked my boots off and sat down on the fur. It was warm, the sun was right above me. Two weeks was a long time to walk around without sleeping, without caring about anything but finding him. Now that he was back I felt myself relax, even if he was still unconscious. Bellamy was home, somehow that made it easier to breathe.

I laid my head down on the pillow, I didn’t even bother to pull my blanket up around me. I closed my eyes, falling asleep before anything other than Bellamy could fill up my thoughts.

 


	4. Fall Back Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy finally reunite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like I said this is a short fanfic. I am working on another one which I'm in love with and have more chapters than I've written so far. So I'm trying to get through that one. It's based off another novel I recently read that I am in love with and Bellamy and Clarke just fit the characters perfectly. I cannot wait to share it!
> 
> But alas I must finish this one first. So here's Bellarke =)
> 
> Also apparently someone was angry that this showed up in the Lexa/Clarke tag. I guess I should apologize even though my summary clearly states this is Bellarke... Still I find it funny how divided the fandom seems to be. I like both parties, just prefer Bellamy and Clarke. Hopefully no one else gets offended.

Clarke

The sun wasn't even up when I opened my eyes. I felt better, like I had gotten more sleep than I needed. My bones didn't hurt, my body wasn't protesting. I wasn't a walking zombie anymore. I woke up slowly, blinking at the ceiling of my tent. I took a moment to revel in my empty mind.

It didn't last long, I sat up fast, remembering Bellamy. I shouldn't have come to my tent, I should've been with him. I grabbed a clean pair of pants and shirt, changing quickly. I had to make sure he was okay. His fever hadn't broken when I left. He might've needed me and I knew raven wouldn't have kept her word. She wouldn't wake me, not when I had been so exhausted.

I pulled my hair off my shoulders, reminding myself to ask Octavia to cut it. I hated the sweat that built on my shoulders because of my hair. I took in a breath and darted out of my tent towards the medical bay.

It was quiet, everyone was sleeping. It was nice this time of morning, refreshing to see everyone alive and in one piece. It almost felt like we weren't fighting to survive every minute of the day. I wrapped my arms around my stomach as the wind picked up.

I wanted to be there when he woke up, for some reason that mattered a lot to me. I didn't want him to wake up alone, confused and wondering how he had gotten home. I wanted him to know I had been looking for him. I wanted him to know I didn't care about our fight. 

I might not be ready to give him an answer, but that didn't mean I stopped caring about him completely.

Raven was asleep, her head against the wall she was propped against. I shook my head, leaving her be as I walked towards Bellamy. I pressed my hand against his forehead, the fever was gone. I smiled, wiping the sweat from his hair.

"We're not out of the woods just yet, Bell," I whispered as I gathered my supplies. I had to clean the wound and bandage it up. He needed stitches, I put that off until I knew the infection was gone. I ran my hand down his cheek, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have walked away. You have no idea how much these last few weeks have sucked without you.”

I stood there staring at him, wondering how I was supposed to make a decision when I was so good at pushing my own wants and needs back down. I hated feeling this way, I wanted being afraid of my own heart, my own mind. It's what happened with Lexa, before her betrayal.

Before she tortured one of my own without a reason or a care. Bellamy was right, she was evil. There was no justification in holding him hostage. She was barbaric and I saw red when I thought of the kiss we had shared.

"You were right, you're always right," I whispered to the quiet room, "prove me wrong about this Bellamy. Wake up and yell at me some more, please.”

Raven cleared her throat, "should I give you two a minute?”

I jumped, grabbing the moonshine before I felt the blush creep onto my cheeks, "I thought you were sleeping.”

She sighed, "I was sleeping. You woke me up moving all that stuff," she stood up and stretched, wincing, "you're lucky I love you, Griffin. Sleeping on the ground sucks.”

“Thank you for watching him, I should’ve stayed though,” I said sighing as I ran the wet rag around his face, “go eat or something, you look exhausted.”

She laughed, “back at ya,” she knocked my shoulder with hers and then sighed, “I’ll bring you something back. I don’t think I’ll be able to get you away from his side today huh?”

I shook my head, “I have to bandage up the wound.”

She rolled her eyes, “yeah if that’s what you call it,” she muttered as she walked out the doors and left me alone with him. 

I bit my lip hard, I knew what she was implying. Everyone had decided Bellamy and I were supposed to be together since we basically took care of them together. After I left they told me he was a mess, almost as much of a mess as I had been when he went missing a few weeks ago. 

Bellamy coughed as I pulled the pulpous from his wound and checked it. It wasn’t as red, the signs of infection were fading. I smiled, feeling victorious. I took the needle out of the moonshine and sucked in a breath. I didn’t just put off stitching up the wound because of the infection, although that was a good reason to wait. I was afraid of stitching him up. Ever since I had butchered Raven’s back, I was afraid I would paralyze someone again.

I put the thread through the needle and then I steadied my hand. I looked at him, hoping the pain still had him knocked out. He was moving more, which meant he would wake up soon. I had to get this done before he could feel the pain of the needle going in and out of his skin. I bit down on my lip, hoping I didn’t scream.

I started slow, watching the needle pierce his skin. Then I moved faster, his skin was still hot. I knew it wasn’t the fever, Bellamy was just a warm person. I noticed that whenever he touched me, whenever he put his hand against my arm or my shoulder. I couldn’t believe this was the moment I decided to dwell on all the moments he had ever made contact with me.

That night when we were drunk I might have kissed him on the cheek, giggling as ran his hands down the sides of my body, “focus Clarke.”

I pushed all those thoughts out of my head. I took in a deep breath and ran the last stitch through, tying the ends quickly. He didn’t even stir. The wound had stopped bleeding, which meant he was going to be just fine. I smiled, realizing just how close we had come to losing each other yet again. I laid the cloth over the cut and pressed it down with a few bandages so it would stay. 

Bellamy moaned, his hand moving across his chest. I started to clean up my mess as he moved around on the table. I was putting things away, we had used a lot of the medicine we had on him. I knew it wasn’t fair, there were rations on these kinds of things. But I wasn’t going to let him die on me. I wasn’t going to let him be in pain when he woke up. A leader always did what they thought was right.

I knew this was right.

I turned back around, he was groaning softly. His hand was twitching as I walked back over and stood beside him. I watched him for a moment, he looked restless, like he was afraid someone was going to hurt him again. I had never seen Bellamy afraid of anything, even in the face of the biggest monster we had fought, he was fearless. Even when I walked away from him and his offer for a drink, he didn’t shed a tear.

He looked like a little boy who was struggling to find his way out of the darkness.

“Bellamy,” I said his name softly, watching his eyes move underneath his lids. He moaned again, “it’s okay, you’re safe now.”

He jerked his head hard. If I hadn’t been standing there he might have fallen off the table and gotten some more injuries, “no,” his voice was soft, like it hadn’t been used in days.

I grabbed the canteen I had brought with me and opened his mouth. I poured some of the cool river water into his mouth and the drank it slowly. His eyes were still closed, but his hand moved to cover mine over the bottle. I felt my stomach fall, my heart stop, as his fingers grazed mine.

“Clarke,” his voice was still deep, but it sounded far away. Slowly he opened his eyes, the bruises bright around them. He winced as he tried to sit up, but I kept my hands on his chest. If he moved too fast he would pull out the stitches. It took him a second to focus on me. He was disoriented, “am I dreaming?”

  
I laughed, even though I wanted to cry and wrap my arms around his neck. I shook my head slowly, “no you’re not dreaming,” I whispered, afraid I would break the spell of him waking up. He blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting to the light, “we found you. You’re home now.”

Bellamy winced and I realized I was still holding his hand. He didn’t pull his away, so I didn’t unclasp my fingers from his, “how long was I gone? I don’t remember much, just pain and getting caught,” he coughed again. 

“Two weeks,” I whispered pushing his hair out of his face. I watched him take in the information, “the grounders apparently caught you. You weren’t paying attention,” he nodded, his mouth forming a thin line across his face, “Bellamy I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” he looked at me confused and I realized he didn’t remember our fight. He didn’t remember or the past two weeks took up too much room in his mind for it to matter anymore. 

I nodded, his fingers squeezing mine, “I know. I just. We could’ve found you sooner. I should’ve been with Lincoln and Octavia searching. I should’ve been there to give Lexa hell.”

He shook his head, “no I’m glad you weren’t there. She’s evil, Clarke. No matter what you thought you two had together that girl has nothing but vengeance in her blood. I never should’ve let you talk her into an alliance even before I left for the mountain.”

Bellamy winced as he tried to sit up again, “Bellamy you can’t sit up, not yet. You’ll pull the stitches out of your hip. You’re lucky that infection didn’t get worse than it did,” I realized now that he was awake I was done worrying.

He smiled, “there’s my demanding princess. You’ve always had such a pleasant bedside manner.”

I rolled my eyes, “I’m serious Bellamy, stay laying down. I didn’t spend all night helping you sweat out your fever and stitching up that wound for you to rip it open because you’re too manly to lay down. So stay down.”

He laughed as I stepped away from the table. I had my back towards Bellamy, but I knew he was watching me. I took in a breath cleaning off the bloody rags. I couldn’t stop smiling, He was alive, he was awake and talking. I felt giddy, all thoughts of what had happened gone. He was here with me, he was happy that I was here.

“Clarke,” the way he said my name still made my heart jump. I turned to look at him, wondering when I would finally let him talk me into everything he wanted, “thanks for saving me, princess.”


	5. I'm Setting You Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy whines when he's hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter got a little long, but I like it. Hope you guys do too =)

Bellamy

I had been stuck in that damn medical bay for two days. Clarke wouldn’t let me leave, she was convinced I would pull my stitches. It was worse than the torture Lexa put me through, at least then I didn’t have to pretend like I wasn't useless. I didn’t get to help with the camp, I didn’t get to bring the food or help with the sick people. I wanted to feel useful again, I didn’t want to lay around with injuries, even if Clarke was here.

But she wouldn’t let me go.

"Clarke I don't want to sit around, I want to help out around camp," I whined. I did whine a lot when I was sick, but I was allowed. I don't whine at all when I was okay, “I was gone for two weeks, I miss my people.”

Clarke glared at me, "no. It's been two days since your fever broke. You can barely stand on your own. You're staying here until I say so. If you really want to see them I can give them each a time to come see you.”

I sighed, shaking my head. I didn’t want to lose the time we had here together. I liked having her all to myself, "such a dictator.”

She nodded her head, "yes I am. After losing you for two weeks I'm not letting you out of this room until you're completely better.”

I smiled despite her claim. I knew she cared about me, even if she wasn't ready to admit it. I could see it in her eyes when I woke up. I could hear it in her voice as she scolded me. She had been more than worried about me.

Yesterday Harper came in claiming she didn't feel well. Clarke abandoned me to look her over, I felt a stab of jealousy now that we were alone. She was dividing her time, I wasn't her only patient and I didn't like that. I watched her put her hands on Harper’s forehead, thinking about to when she was trying to break my fever. I wanted her to fret over me the way she had when I had gotten back to the came.

Clarke smiled at me as she came back over and ran her hand down my arm. All the stuff she needed was beside me. Harper’s eyes were closed, I smiled as I propped myself up on the pillows. She might not let me leave, but she let me sit up. That was a baby step I suppose. I winced as I put my hand against my stomach.

She started to turn away from me, my heart dropped. She wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing. I reached for her hand before she could get too far, "hey where are you going?”

"To check on Harper selfish," she said as I closed my fingers around her wrist. Her blue eyes were wide as my warm hand set fire to both of us. I knew that fire was there for a reason, I knew that spark wasn’t just because we had once hated each other.

I shook my head and stuck out my bottom lip, "it hurts. I need you to check it.”

She laughed, "Bellamy Blake I just changed your bandage. I swear I've never seen you act like such a baby," she laced her fingers through mine, "if you want me to sit with you, just ask.”

I bit my lip as she ran her fingers through my hair. I loved when she did that, the tips of her fingers brushing against my skin, "will you sit with me? Please?”

Clarke smiled and it was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, "yes," Harper was asleep, she didn't need Clarke the way I did, "God who would've thought Bellamy was such a baby when he got hurt? I swear.”

I gave her a smile, "only for you princess.”

Clarke sat down beside me and I kept her hand in mine. She was quiet, her blue eyes searching the air for something to fill the silence, “when Jasper walked back into camp without you I almost lost it. I guess I understand how broken you felt when I walked away. I couldn’t imagine being here without you, I couldn’t think about a camp without you, our fearless leader.”

There were tears in her eyes, “I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“No you’re not,” she pushing against my hand playfully, “you love the fact that I worried about you. I can see it in your eyes, you’re loving every single second of being stuck here with me.”

I blushed, her playful tone giving me hope, “maybe I am.”

I was pretending to forget about our fight. I didn’t want to stop her from caring for me, even though I knew no matter what I said to her she would still care for me. I liked this Clarke better, she was playful and attentive. She wanted to sit with me as much as I wanted her to stay with me. My eyes fell to our hands, she was still holding mine. It made me smile.

Clarke cleared her throat, “do you remember everything they did to you?” she bit her lip and then sighed, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

My eyes were staring at our hands, hers was lighter in color than mine. My skin was tanned from the sun, Clarke seemed to burn instead. I smiled at the contrast, it described our relationship. We weren’t exactly opposites, but we didn’t always agree either. Two halves of a whole, I suppose. My heart slowed as I let my eyes wander up to hers.

Finally I nodded, “I remember most of it. The worst part was the way Lexa would smile when she came to the cell they were holding me in. She would take out her knife, draw blood from my arm, my leg, anywhere. Then she’s smile, hit me across the face with the hilt of the weapon. I usually blacked out after that.”

Tears had gathered in her eyes, “I’m so sorry. This is my fault. Lexa blames you.”

I squeezed her hand, “no Clarke this isn’t your fault. She’s evil, she always has been. Even when we were supposed to be working together, she was always thinking about herself, her people. We were supposed to be together, they were all supposed to be _our_ people. But Lexa always kept the line drawn. She knew she would betray us, she wanted to hurt you.”

Clarke wiped at a tear before it fell, “because she knew I cared about you. When you went to the mountain, I was so worried. You wouldn’t answer us, if you were a minute late to that radio I would go crazy. She noticed now much I worried, how much I cared. She called you my weakness,” her eyes looked down at our hands, “maybe she was right.”

If I was her weakness, then she was my drug. 

There was nothing that made me as happy, nothing that made the pain lessen, the way a single touch from her could. I wasn’t sure how to answer her, because if I was going to tell her the truth now was the time. Of course then the spell of my injury would be broken and we would go back to being the two people we were before I left. I took in a deep breath, torn between my heart and my head.

“No she was wrong,” I finally decided, “your weakness makes you strong. It gives you something to fight for. If I’m you’re weakness, then at least you still have a reason to fight. A reason to hold onto hope.”

Clarke smiled, I loved that little smile she tried to hide whenever I said something she agreed with. Her blonde hair fell over her shoulder, I wanted to reach out and push the stray curl behind her ear. Her blue eyes were bright, “I like that.”

Her eyes were staring into mine and I couldn’t help but wonder what else she was thinking. I opened my mouth to say something more, but Harper started to cough and Clarke changed into the doctor she always was when she was here in the medical bay, “sorry to run off, but my other patient needs me.”

I let go of her hand slowly, watching as she stood up. I sighed, feeling another pang of jealousy as she pressed her hand against Harper’s forehead and then gave her some water. The sun was getting lower, my stomach growled as I imagined the dinner they were making. Clarke had barely left this place in the last two days, I knew she was hungry too.

Once she was done with Harper she came back to me, “you should go get something to eat. I’ll be okay, it’s been two days Clarke you don’t have to babysit me. I’m sure there’s other things you could be doing.”

Clarke stuck out her lip, “I’ll bring it back here, I’ll get you something too. Unless you want to test your theory. Think you’re really up for a trip to the tent for food?”

My eyes went wide, “really? Can I sleep in my own tent too? This table is hard on my back.”

She laughed, “baby steps, let’s see how well you do at dinner,” she said offering me her hand and then helping me ease off the table. I winced as I swung my legs over the edge, the pain shooting through my side. The stitches weren’t supposed to come out for another day or two, I knew she was worried about that.

“I’m fine,” I gritted my teeth and pushed off the metal table, Clarke supporting most of my weight. I gasped at the pain that came with putting weight on my leg.

Clarke huffed, “yeah I told you that you wouldn’t be able to do your usual work right now,” she was struggling to move us towards the door, “god you weigh a ton.”

This time I laughed, “thanks Princess, way to give me a complex.”

She rolled her eyes, “you know what I mean, Blake.”

We walked slowly towards the fire, the smell of meat making my mouth water. I hadn’t had more than water and whatever it is Clarke called food that she was feeding me. Monty had made some soup that was supposed to help my internal damages. 

“God I’m starving,” I watched the line grab their food, but I stopped short of the camp. I didn’t want to tell them all what had happened, I wasn’t ready to answer their questions. I realized I should’ve stayed back and let Clarke bring the food to me, “I uh.”

Clarke squeezed my shoulder, “don’t worry we can eat in your tent,” I realized then that she was taking me towards the tent I had been missing from for the last two weeks. It was my home, it was safe. I smiled at her, the setting sun creating a halo around her head. She really was my angel, even if she didn’t realize it.

My bed felt like heaven compared to the cell I had been sleeping in, the table in the medical bay even worse. I sighed with relief as I sat down, her arms shrugging out the pins and needles from helping me. Clarke left to get us some food and I enjoyed the sight of my tiny little home. I had missed this, more than I realized I ever would.

Not as much as I had missed Clarke.

When she came back we ate in silence, the meat tasted better than anything I had ever had. I finished mine in two minutes flat, realizing how hungry I was. I hadn’t had a meal in a long time, the grounders fed me so that I stayed alive and that was it. I took in a deep breath, leaning back on the pillow. It still smelled like the woods around me.

The sun had set, but even if it hadn’t I was exhausted from our walk to the tent. I took in a breath, closing my eyes and ready to surrender to the sleep waiting for me. I guess I needed to heal more than I knew, because I was never this tired.

Clarke was cleaning up, “hopefully you get some real sleep,” she whispered. I felt her press her lips against my forehead and I didn’t open my eyes fast enough to see her that close. Still I could smell the vanilla in her hair from a mile away.

“Don’t go,” I whispered. I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t want to fall asleep alone. Not after what had happened. Last time I was alone I woke up and Lexa was ready to string me up just like Finn, “please, stay with me.”

She bit her lip, my eyes were fighting to stay awake, “Bell.”

“It’s a real bed. I promise I don’t bite,” I forced a smile as she stood there thinking it through, “please? I really don’t want to be alone.”

She sighed, putting the trash outside of the tent. When she came back in my heart fluttered, she was here with me. She was choosing to stay. I moved over so she could make herself comfortable beside me. She turned so she was facing me, her blue eyes a mix of wonder and confusion. I knew she wanted to ask what this meant, but she too was afraid of bringing up the fight we had.

I reached out and pushed her hair away from her forehead, the way she did so many times for me, “thanks, for staying.”

She smiled, “I figure you might need me to check those stitches soon anyways,” she rolled her eyes and I smiled at her excuse. I wanted to reach out and pull her towards me, I wanted to feel her body pressed against mine. But I kept my hands to myself, I stayed on my side of the bed. Because if this was as close as we would get, I would take it. 

I had spent the last two weeks dreaming of what it would be like to wake up beside her every single morning, to see her smile when I opened my eyes. I was already in too deep, I could only hope that whenever I was better, she would realize she was too.


	6. the night we couldn't quiet forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up and realizes she should let go of her fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah so close to the end! This chapter pretty much sums it up. I can't wait to post the next one, it's probably my favorite!!! So much Bellarke =)

Clarke

The silence surrounded me again as I woke up, but this time it wasn’t unnerving. I was sweating, my pillow was harder than I remembered it to be. When I opened my eyes I saw Bellamy’s tan chest, my heart stopping. His arm was holding me against him, my head using his chest as a pillow. My heart stopped as I started to panic. Except it was my mind that was panicking, my body was perfectly content with the situation at hand.

His eyes were still closed, his other hand rested on his chest. He looked so peaceful, all the pain was gone from his face. He looked more like the boy who had come down here with us, except there were less demons he was hiding. I reached to push his hair out of his face, wondering if I should change the bandage.

“Watching me sleep princess?” his voice was always deep, but it was even sexier than before when it was laced with sleep. I never realized how intoxicating he was until they very moment. Or else I had been fighting it for a long time.

I pushed his shoulder, his eyes still closed, “no. I was going to be a doctor and make sure you didn’t pull your stitches last night.”

He laughed as he opened his eyes and looked at me, “I think I’d rather just stay here a little while longer.”

I started to sit up, but Bellamy’s hands caught me. At first I was surprised, his warm palm settled on my hip and I didn’t immediately shake it off. It was a reminder of last night, the way he held me close to him as he slept. Somehow I had become a source of comfort for him, the same way he was for me. I took in a deep breath, until I got too comfortable. Then he laughed, his fingers digging into my sides.

I gasped, jumping up as he tickled me. My real weakness was being too ticklish, the laughter bubbling up in my throat as I tired to push him away. He wouldn’t move, he was enjoying this as I flailed around, trying to get away from his grip. He was too strong, even if he was still half asleep.

"Bellamy stop!" I laughed as his arms held me, his hands tickling my sides, "seriously you're going to pull your stitches.”

He didn't stop tickling me, my legs kicking out. He was the only one who knew how incredibly ticklish I was, something I hated he found out about. He squeezed my hip, just as my knee rammed into his stomach. He stopped, the smile fading as he lost air.

"Ouch," he winced as I sat up, putting my hand against his chest.

"I'm sorry!" I squealed as he repositioned himself, "in my defense I warned you.”

His eyes were half closed as he nodded, "yes, yes you did.”

I pushed away the blanket, "let me check your stitches. I should change the bandage.”

He mumbled something about me always being in doctor mode as he moved so I could see the white cloth. I noticed now that he still wasn't wearing a shirt, I bit my lip as the realization crossed my mind. He was still so handsome.

He was still Bellamy. I was still Clarke. Nothing had changed that.

"You bled," I grabbed a cloth and cleaned the wound, "you probably rolled around.”

"Bad dream," he whispered watching my hands clean the dried blood off his tan skin.

Now I remembered him pulling me into his chest, my name falling off his tongue as he held me close. He shook, the same way he had before he woke up in the medbay. He was dreaming, about me or the grounders. Or maybe both. Either way when I pressed my face into his neck, he calmed down. He kissed my cheek, still asleep, and I anchored him back here to me.

I didn't say anything as I finished dabbing the angry wound and then put a new cloth over it. Bellamy winced as I pressed it harder than I should have, "sorry," I whispered, my fingers grazing over his.

I cleaned up the mess, setting everything outside the tent. Bellamy cleared his throat as he propped himself up on the pillows behind them. I came back in, he was watching for me. Maybe he thought I was going to leave him. Whatever the reason, I saw the smile in his eyes went I sat back down beside him. 

We were quiet, the silence settling around us. My favorite thing about Bellamy was we didn't have to fill the air was useless chatter. We were perfectly happy sitting together in silence. I watched as Bellamy let his pain subside. 

My stomach growled, but I wasn't ready to venture out and find breakfast. I took in a deep breath, watching his breathing slow down, his eyes open. He looked so handsome, so much like the boy who had only wanted to save his sister. I almost forgot about all the horrible things we had done together.

"Clarke," he said my name slowly, his eyes staring up at the ceiling, "I'm sorry. About the way we left things.”

I swallowed, I guess we were done pretending it didn't happen, "yeah well I'm the one who walked away. I'm sorry too.”

He was staring at me now, "Clarke I meant what I said that day. Nothing has changed for me.”

"Don't do this Bellamy, not now. Not when we just got you back," my voice broke, tears were in my eyes. This time for a whole different reason, "nothing has changed.”

He laughed, his eyes holding mine, "everything has changed Clarke. You of all people should be able to see that.”

A tear slipped down my cheek, "when they took you all I wanted was to get you back. That anger, the hurt fueled my fire. I had to find you," I looked away from him, "then when you didn't wake up, I imagined you hating me. I walked away, I let you go on that hunting trip alone. It's my fault they took you. My fault, it's always my fault.”

He sat up quickly, his hand shooting towards his side. I saw the pain flicker in his eyes, but he pushed it down, "no Clarke it's not your fault. You're doing the best you can, you're the reason we all survived. Please, don't shut me out.”

"I'm holding on for dear life, Bellamy. But every time I lay down at night I see their faces. Finn, Charlotte, atom, the people from the mountain. It's a never ending movie that reminds me there isn't happiness in this world.”

He shook his head, "you can't let them haunt you forever Clarke. You have to let go and somehow you learn to live with what we had to do in order to survive. You aren't the only one with blood on your hands.”

I closed my eyes hard, "Bellamy. Can we just keep pretending you don't remember? I thought we were friends again.”

"We are friends Clarke. But after what happened I know I won't sit by and let you slip through my fingers again. Not when I know each second we spend on this earth could be our last.”

When I opened my eyes he was closer to me. I took in a breath, the pain of everything on my shoulders was getting to be too much, "I know you're right. But if we give into all our desires we lose focus on surviving.”

His hand reached for mine, "we need each other to survive, Clarke. We learned that on the mountain, we learned that we make a pretty good team.”

I bit my lip, hearing his words but still fighting with my heart. I wanted to give into him, I wanted him to know I cared. But every person I got close to down here got hurt or hurt me. I knew I couldn't handle anymore pain that I already had inside my heart. 

I shook my head slowly, my heart aching as I looked back at him. His brown eyes were waiting, searching me for an answer I wasn't sure I was ready to give just yet.

"Bellamy I can't do this. I'm not ready, after Finn," my voice broke, I was terrified of getting close to him, "everyone I care about always gets hurt.”

He flashed me a smile, "I'm already hurt princess. There's nothing they can do to hurt me anymore.”

I shook my head, “Bell."

He didn't wait, he reached for me, his mouth hitting mine hard. My eyes flew open as he pulled me into his chest, all the fight I thought I had left was gone. There in his tent with his arms around me, I knew this is what I always wanted. This was the reason I had been trying to find him for the last two weeks. This place wasn't home without Bellamy.

He pulled away slowly, his breath heavy, his heart beat matching mine, "I should've done that a long time ago, Princess.”

I laughed, running my fingers through his hair, "yeah," I agreed, the feeling in my chest was a new one. It wasn't laced with pain anymore, there was hope sprouting too, "you should’ve."

His lip twitched, his eyes on mine, "so does this mean you've officially made your decision?”

I pressed my lips to his, "I think you always knew what my choice was," I whispered against his skin. I closed my eyes, feeling safe for the first time since we made it to earth, "my choice will always be you."

 


	7. We Stood a Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke get their happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for this update, I've been busy enjoying summer!
> 
> But I said this would be short, so I hope you like the ending. Also I'll be starting a new story soon.  
> Thanks for the comments and likes. I love seeing people reading my writing!!

Bellamy

It was a full month before Clarke could take my stitches out. I kept opening them my sleep, or on the nights I would pull her under me and insist I was well enough to fool around. We would wake up to blood covering my shirt. It was more annoying than painful every morning. Of course she was always being a doctor and told me no we couldn't do anything until I could stand up on my own. 

I stood up a week after she told me that. She gave me a smug smile, telling me that we weren't doing anything until I was all better. I told her I was fine, but she wouldn't listen. Of course I couldn't walk for more than a few steps before the pain was too hard on my hip.

I learned early on Clarke was the person who liked to say I told you so the most.

Still I was happy, happier than I've ever been. Clarke was mine, we were together in the way I always wanted us to be. She was my home, after the torture I had been through I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to be. 

I pulled my shirt on, Clarke's hand running circles around my leg, "if you keep doing that I'm going to have to call off this little bonfire of yours.”

She giggled, something she had never really done before. But she had been laughing a lot more with me. I liked to believe we were happy together, "oh stop. You're excited for this party because it's all for you. Now that you're officially allowed back to work.”

I leaned down and kissed her, the only thing covering her was my blanket, "sure. But I think I'd rather stay here and celebrate with you.”

She rolled her eyes, "we have all the time in the world for our own celebrations, Bellamy. This was just the pre party.”

I laughed, her eyes shining in the light of the candles in my tent. We had officially moved in together last week. Of course she told the camp it was because I still needed help getting around. Everyone already knew we were together, Clarke didn't want them to think she wasn't their leader because of it. 

I grabbed her hand, kissing the back of it gently, "have I told you yet that I love the way you look in my bed? Because I do.”

She sat up, the blanket held up by her arms. She was on her knees, her hand placed against my cheek, "have I told you that I love you? Because I do.”

My heart stopped as I looked at her. She was smiling the smile she told me only I was allowed to see. I shook my head, unsure of what to say. This was what I had always wanted. I knew I loved her, I always had. She was the light that guided us all home, even in the darkest of nights.

Every day we show each other how we feel with our actions. The little things are the big things, they don't always have to be spoken out loud. Hearing her say the words out loud, in the tent we shared, made them real. She loved me. There was no going back now. I knew I had the biggest, nerdiest grin on my face, but I didn't care.

Because the girl I was in love with loved me too.

If you were lucky you found someone to love, but you are even luckier if that person loves you back. I had loved Clarke from afar for too long now. All the burdens we bared didn't seem to matter anymore. Because she was here with me, right where we belonged.

"I love you," I whispered leaning in and closing the distance between us, "always have.”

"Always will," she murmured into my lips. We always knew what the other was thinking, we shared a language no one else understood. One look could tell us so much more than words could. 

Clarke smiled against my kiss, "that was fun," her eyes sparkled as I pulled away and brushed her hair off her cheek, "we waited far too long.”

She rolled her eyes, "so says the man who's hip still hasn't healed properly. I swear Bellamy Blake, you'll be the death of.”

"Only because you love me," I whispered kissing her cheek before I stood up. I grabbed my pants, pulling them on quickly. 

Clarke continued to lay in bed staring at me, "you're happy right?”

I nodded the smile coming to my fave without me trying, "yeah," I watched her stand up to meet me, the blanket falling off her shoulders, "I'm happy.”

"Good," she laughed at my flustered state, she was pressed so close to me, her chest still bare. I couldn't think straight as she grabbed the shirt from behind me, "I'm happy too.”

I let out a breath as she stepped backwards and got dressed, "I think you're wrong. You'll be the death of me princess."

 

\---

 

The fire was already started by the time we had pulled our clothing on. Octavia smiled as we walked slower than the rest of the group, my fingers laced through Clarke's. I wasn't lying, I was more than happy with her beside me. It was like the world wasn’t as bad with her beside me, it was easier to breath. It was easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Because I had someone to share these moments with.

My sister knew, she had always know the way I felt about Clarke. I gave her a smile, nodding as she grabbed Lincoln's hand and nodded back. We were both happy. I found a way on that drop ship to take care of her. Who would've ever imagined someone else taking care of my baby sister? 

He made her happy, the same way Clarke made me happy. That's all the mattered.

"Ah the king and queen have finally arrived," Jasper bellowed loudly, already drunk on moonshine. I rolled my eyes as he slapped my shoulder, "it's good to see you back on two feet again, Bell. We've needed your muscles. Maybe not as much as Clarke has.”

He winked as she slapped his shoulder, his laugh something I hadn't heard in quiet a while. After Maya we thought we had lost the clown within the group. He was still healing, but nights like this gave us hope. We saw the old Jasper, the one who didn't carry the weight of his first loves death on his shoulders. The same way Clarke did. 

Clarke bit her lip as we stood between Jasper, her thoughts the same as mine I’m sure. She hurt for Jasper, because she was the one who pulled the lever. We were the ones who pulled the lever, but she didn’t see it that way. I could see the pain in her eyes, the memories of both Maya and Finn flashing behind the blue.

I pulled her into my side, kissing her cheek, "I told you our celebration would've been more fun."

"Well we can always think of an excuse to leave early," she put her hand under my shirt as I stopped. She wasn't serious, I saw it the moment I looked into her beautiful blue eyes. 

"Bellamy! My man," miller and Monty came over and hugged me, "I'm glad you're coming back. We need more help with hunting. It's been hard without you.”

I sighed, "well I'm glad my doctor finally gave me the okay to help," Clarke squeezed my hand, "well have to talk tomorrow morning. We can figure out a schedule or something.”

"Sounds good," Miller nodded, his eyes flashing to Clarke and our clasped hands, "this," he pointed between us, "this is good. You two, you're beautiful.”

Monty blushed, putting his hand on Nathan's arm, "he might have gotten into the moonshine early. But we're glad you're better, and we're glad you two are together.”

"Thanks," Clarke laughed as I pulled her into my side, "we're happy.”

Monty smiled, walking Nathan towards a log to sit on. I took in a breath, watching the flames in front of me. I closed my eyes, taking in the silence as Raven came over to talk to Clarke. Her hand was still in mine, but we were thinking about two different things. 

It was amazing the two girls were friends, but if they could mend their wounds and heal then we could find a way to live among the grounders. They just had to broaden their ideas and realize that not all humans are savages. I had no idea how to fix the relationship we had with them. But somehow, someway we would be able to live in the same territory without the fear of starting yet another war. 

This world was big enough for everyone to live in.

"A penny for your thoughts, oh mighty rebel king," her voice startled me and I opened my eyes. Her hand was on my shoulder, the flames reflecting in her eyes.

I tapped beneath her chin, "nothing. Just thinking about how even in this imperfect world, someone as beautiful and amazing as you can love someone like me.”

There was a tear in her eyes, "yeah," she agreed, "it's pretty amazing.”

I pulled her away from the fire, "dance with me.”

She laughed loudly as I moved with the music, her tiny feet hitting mine every once and a while. I was better at dancing, her rhythm was way off. Still dancing with Clarke was better than dancing with anyone else in this entire camp.

The music slowed, I wrapped my arms around her waist. We were swaying slowly to the music, Clarke's head pressed against my chest. This was the moment I could've stayed in forever. No grounders, no pressure, just me and Clarke. Happy, together, and content with my arms around her. 

This was the moment would always be my favorite.

"You came down here to save your sister," Clarke smiled as we watched her with Lincoln, "who would've known you’d save a princess like me too.”

I smiled, pulling her into my chest as the music played in the distance, "we saved each other, Clarke.”

Her eyes were sparkling in the moonlight, her lips pushed out. I leaned in and kissed her softly, slowly. This was all new to us, "good answer.”

Her eyes had always been my favorite thing about her. The blue mixed with the wonder and excitement of life made me feel like there was something good left in this world. Something beautiful left on the ground. 

I put my hand against her cheek, "I would do it all again you know," my voice was soft, she looked confused, "I'd shoot Jaha to get on that drop ship, all again. If that's the only way we would ever get to meet, I would do it for you.”

Her smile was slow, "I like to think if we weren’t criminals we would've found a way to meet on the ark. Or maybe we were supposed to come down here. Maybe our punishment is over and now we get each other.”

I grazed her lips with my thumb, "I like that idea too.”

She giggled as I tickled her sides before pulling her into my arms, "I love you," she whispered, letting out a happy, content sigh as she laid her head under my chin, against my chest.

"Yeah," I agreed, "I love you too.”

A boot stomped beside me, my arms going around Clarke as I looked up to see who was coming towards us. Octavia's voice made my heart stop, “Bell, Clarke. Thank god I found you two together.”

We both stared at her. I sighed, holding Clarke closer before she could try and pull away. She was still a little nervous about public displays of affection. She seemed surprised that I was perfectly at ease with them, "what is it Octavia? You're kind of interrupting something.”

My sister laughed, "as cute as this moment is, you guys need to know," her eyes were soft while she looked at us together. They changed as she stood up straighter, Lincoln coming to stand beside her.

My heart stopped as he put his hand against her shoulder. My sister nodded, "Lexa is planning an attack. You were leverage, they wanted a war. They thought holding you hostage would end differently. They wanted us to make the first move, but now they’re ready to make the first move instead.”

Clarke gasped, her eyes went wide, her heart beating fast in her chest. I could feel it against mine. I held onto her tightly, we thought we were finally done with these troubles. We thought finally being together meant all our problems were done.

Clarke pulled away, lacing her fingers through mine as she faced the couple that joined us, "if she wants a war, then we will be prepared. But we aren't going to start it. We just want peace.”

Lincoln sighed, "I talked to her, she's out for blood. She blames Bellamy for her failure to keep the alliance. She blames Bellamy for taking you.”

I felt my blood boil, the anger rising up in my chest. I hated Lexa, I hated the way she convinced Clarke to lead. I was ready to start a war myself just over the fact that she thought she could claim Clarke so I couldn't. She held me back, her hand steady in mine as she stood up straighter.

"I don't blame Lexa, I am capable of forgiveness. After all we all have blood on our hands. I was never hers to lose, she realized that before I did. She blames Bellamy for something that was never meant to be.”

I smiled, pulling her into my arms, "we can stop this war. Tomorrow we'll go talk to Lexa together, you two can come too. We'll keep our people safe.”

Clarke's eyes were bright, “together."

"Together," I echoed smiling as she leaned into me. She wasn't just using me for physical support, she was leaning on me for more than that. We were a team, a good one if I might say so myself. 

It might have taken us a few dozen fights, a handful of disagreements, and a few near death experiences before we realized how we felt. But now that we were there, standing hand in hand, we would face everything thrown out way together. Love wasn't a weakness, it was the strength that held two people together. It was love that would keep us all alive.


End file.
